Don't avoid the subjects of sex and drug, alcohol, or tobacco use. Discussing tough topics openly with kids before they're exposed to them actually makes it more likely that they'll act responsibly when the time comes. Share your family values with your teen and talk about what you believe is right and wrong, and why.
Know your child's friends — and know their friends' parents. Regular communication between parents can go a long way toward creating a safe environment for all teens in a peer group.
Parents can help each other keep track of the kids' activities without making the kids feel that they're being watched. A certain amount of change is normal during the teen years.
But too drastic or long-lasting a switch in personality or behavior may signal real trouble — the kind that needs professional help. Watch for these warning signs:. Any other inappropriate behavior that lasts for more than 6 weeks can be a sign of underlying trouble, too. Your doctor or a local counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist can help you find proper counseling. Some parents, understandably, have a very hard time with this one. They may feel that anything their kids do is their business.
But to help your teen become a young adult, you'll need to grant some privacy. If you notice warning signs of trouble, then you can invade your child's privacy until you get to the heart of the problem. But otherwise, it's a good idea to back off. In other words, your teenager's room, texts, e-mails, and phone calls should be private.
You also shouldn't expect your teen to share all thoughts or activities with you at all times. Of course, for safety reasons, you should always know where teens are going, when they'll be returning, what they're doing, and with whom, but you don't need to know every detail. And you definitely shouldn't expect to be invited along! Start with trust. Tell your teen that you trust him or her, but if the trust gets broken, he or she will enjoy fewer freedoms until it's rebuilt.
TV shows, magazines and books, the Internet — kids have access to tons of information. Be aware of what yours watch and read. Don't be afraid to set limits on the amount of time spent in front of the computer or the TV. Know what they're learning from the media and who they may be communicating with online. Teens shouldn't have unlimited access to TV or the Internet in private — these should be public activities.
Access to technology also should be limited after certain hours for example, 10 p. It's not unreasonable to have cellphones and computers off limits after a certain time. Bedtime for a teenager should be age appropriate, just as it was when your child was a baby. Teens still need about hours of sleep. Encourage your teen to stick to a sleep schedule that will meet those needs. Reward your teen for being trustworthy. Has he or she kept to a 10 p. Move it to p. And does a teen always have to go along on family outings?
Encourage a reasonable amount of family time together, but be flexible. Don't be insulted when your growing child doesn't always want to be with you. The best response to typical teen behavior is to stay calm, which provides teens the stability they need. However, staying calm does not mean that you allow all of their behavior.
Just listen and sympathize. Typical vs. Typical Teen Behaviors It is important to understand that some teenage behaviors that seem bizarre to parents are a normal part of teen life. Styles come and go, and keeping up with trends is important for teenagers.
Dyed hair and a body piercing or two is stylish. Boys may experiment with goatees, growing long hair, or shaving their head. For teenage girls, appearance becomes very important. They want to be attractive and trendy.
They become very aware of how they differ from their peers and will try on different identities as they try to fit in. Some withdrawal from family life. Teens seem to have different opinions than their parents and their friends have a more important role in the decisions they make. Increased arguments. Your teen will quarrel with you more. There will be arguments and defiance. They may become argumentative and talk back more than they did when they were kids.
Understand that anger is a normal human emotion, and it is common among teens. Parents often react to an angry, shouting teen by shouting back. In fact, your teen may feel pushed to a corner and become even more aggressive when you try to dominate him. The only way to calm an angry teen is to be calm. Find ways to control your anger and listen to what your teenager has to say.
Avoid arguments as far as possible and let your teen vent out all the anger. Once they run out of things to say, they will calm down. Encourage them to talk to you when there is a problem instead of bottling it up. Teach them healthy ways to express anger rather than being aggressive or violent.
It can be devastating for parents to find that their child has lied to them, or has not revealed everything. The truth is that their new sense of independence makes it seem unnecessary for them to tell you everything. Also, the fear of being judged and punished may force your teen to lie, which could become a compulsive habit if not nipped in the bud. Honesty is a trait that you should encourage your children to build.
Teach them to tell you the truth, by setting an example for them. Have an open channel of communication with your kids, which allows them to share anything and everything without hesitation.
When kids see their parents being truthful and honest about everything, including their mistakes, they will learn to do the same. Avoid being judgmental.
If you point out flaws in everything and correct every mistake they make, they may fear that you will never approve of them, and may stop sharing and communicating with you.
Difficult behaviors are not harmful per se, but they can strain the relationship you have with your teen. Teenagers are rebellious. They may not always want to do what you tell them to and would want to see the extent to which they can defy you. When teenagers argue with you and refuse to obey rules, do not punish them and act like a tyrant as it makes them more stubborn.
They break rules more often. They may refuse to do chores, and talk back all the time. Teenagers are confused and need guidance to stay on the right path.
They need limits to help them stay in control. When you create rules, you also create limits to help them. Be clear about the rules, be it about how late they can stay out on a school night, or what they are supposed to do at home.
Make the consequences clear if they defy the rules and enforce them, regardless of how trivial the issue may seem.
Your teenager will know that you are serious about the rules, and that will instill a sense of discipline in them. You could also involve them in setting rules and punishments. This way they would clearly know what they are in for, if they go out of bounds. Remember that as your teenager gets older, it is normal for them to want more independence. This is part of them getting ready to leave home, so try not to take their behavior personally and remember this is part of what they need to do.
One of them is a drastic change in their appearance — your child may take to a specific style of dressing, may insist on having nothing but branded clothes, and may change their hairstyle without consulting you. Girls may start using makeup, while boys may change their hairstyles and get tattoos.
Teenage is when kids get in touch with their sexuality, and their newly discovered sexual preferences may also affect their dressing. Physical appearance and eating disorders are closely linked.
If your teen is eating too much or too little, starving herself, exercising more than needed, vomiting everything she eats, or constantly worries that she is fat or ugly, it can indicate serious problems like eating disorders, depression, and anxiety disorders 5. The most important thing you can do as a parent is accept them as they are and help them do the same.
Getting your teenagers to dress like the way you want them to can be next to impossible. Your teenager is not talking to you as much as you would want him or her to. But think about it, did you talk to your parents all the time as a teenager?
Probably not. Also, your teen may seem to share more with her friends than she does with you. If you force your teenager to tell you everything, they may end up fabricating stories to please you, which is not what you want.
Accept that your teenager will not tell you everything. However, do let them know that they must inform you about all of the important events of their lives as you are the guardian. It is also important to realize that the part of the brain that links emotions to communication is still developing in teenagers, so they may not be able to put words to what is happening for them.
In moments when they are feeling down, acknowledge it and offer them support. This can be enough to help them put words to what is happening for them.
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